Hey Sunflowers,
Today’s the day! its night time here which means my appointment has passed. So how did it went? You guessed it folks, I DID NOT GO! Again, not a shocker huh. I was so scared I cant even describe it enough for you to understand how scared I felt. The night before, deep inside me, I knew I NEED to go or else Im going to end up not moving on in life. Deep inside I wanted to go. At some point maybe i did say ‘Fuck what you feel just go fgs’. My mind got over me..
I slept and I slept all day. Have a feeling my family is annoyed of me for always doing that. When my mom got back from work, I had to ask her if she was mad at me. Which she isnt, but most probably she had to lie. She told me she hitched a ride with her colleague, lets call her Auntie S and at a point her colleague, no, Auntie S asked how am I doing, and my mom was like not knowing what to say. Then Auntie S told my mom her “anak” (thats what my mom told me, it means child/kid in Malay, it has no gender so idk if its her daughter or son) is in the same college as me. Doing accountancy and probably a senior of mine idk I forgot what she told me. Anyways, her child has depression, OCD and autism. Which leads to Auntie S recommending the exact psychiatrist I was supposed to go to today because it helped her child very well. The thing is Im super scared of meeting professionals that I always chicken out *sighs* and not to mention every time I talk about my depression and my past I always cry and thats pathetic lol props to you if you dont cry talking about what weakens you, you’re braver than the US Marines (a Twitter joke if you dont get it.
Im depressed thinking about my depression.. But thats the disease’s job anyways. I know everyone has their own time of progress and I hope everyone can go ahead of schedule and conquer it early. I bet if we all know when our depression will end, we’re all stopped being depressed. Because most of the thoughts we have is ‘when is this ever going to end?’ and ‘will I make it with how my depression is going right now?’
I have no idea how to end this so uh bye
xx
YZ.
Strength for me and you , 